Conventional breakup methods can be boring, tiring and can leave your college boyfriends too salty to ever speak to you again. Try these extremely easy but insanely creative methods to drop bae like dun dun dun in no time and with one hundred percent efficiency.
1. Hit him up on MSN Messenger on a Thursday.
Source: The Daily Touch
Only #90sKids would remember the MSN Messenger days: that ‘boingzz’ sound when your friend (finally) replies, because he types so slowly, adding emoticons (not emojis) intricately between every fifth letter. Take him back for a blast to the past (#throwbackthursday) and make sure he remains a true ‘90’s kid’. “Our spark is like MSN Messenger. It’s been gone for a while now.” You: “g2g lol”
Perfect for: ‘Forward-thinking’ boyfriends who look back spitefully at their past, especially their past relationships.
2. Send him a Snapchat of you singing a breakup song in a bath-robe turban.
Source: @kyliessnapchat (Twitter)
Oh, the fifteen seconds of glory. A perfect encapsulation of the fact that your relationship was evanescent, and cannot possibly be captured within the limitations of professional videography. Make sure your voice is sweet enough so he’ll regret the end of your relationship, but horrifying enough so he won’t even think of coming back to someone with Darth Vader’s vocal cords.
Perfect for: Boyfriends who think they’ll be with you forever, when in reality, the true length of your relationship would’ve only been akin to a fifteen-second snapchat in the digital world (to be generous).
3. Roomie Ambush
This one’s for those of you who are too shy to utter hateful words to your soon-to- be ex-boyfriend. Have your loyal roommate hide in your closet, dressed in twelve layers of hoodies. Bring your boyfriend over to your hostel or room in pretense of a warm, fuzzy night in. As he tries to reach over to try anything funny, have your roommate literally come out of the closet in her hoodie-clad torso, jump, scream, and aim to land smack on him. While he withers under the weight of your roommate, you escape, sprint away, and never return.
(Looking for such a cool roommate near your university ? You can easily find one HERE)
Perfect for: If you hate dealing with conflict.
4. Surprise him with a midnight snack delivery
Where words and closet-landings will fail you, pizzas won’t. Where your relationship will fail you, pizzas will save you. Where boyfriends will ignore you, pizzas will be there at your very worst, and celebrate you at your very best. It’s only fitting that you end a relationship with your new one. “The last slice of cheese you’ll ever get from me. Dig in! XOXO.”
Perfect for: Boyfriends who would choose food over you.
5. Derail with a LinkedIn InMail
Where texting has little professionalism and emails are too formal, InMails win. Firstly, disconnect with your boyfriend on LinkedIn. You don’t want inactive people with less than ten work experiences in your connection circles, do you?! Next, send him an InMail gravely announcing your formal resignation from your position as “X’s Significant Other”. Then, shout this resignation out to the world (or to all your LinkedIn connections)!
Perfect for: Unmotivated boyfriends who likely won’t even notice their incoming InMail.